Are We All Commitment-Phobes Now? Why Consistency Feels So Hard
post by Pause & Breathe co-founder Susie Hooper
Blog title over a picture of chairs set up for Chair Yoga class in Bonnybridge centre
Do you find it harder to commit to things consistently these days? Is this a post-COVID thing? Or is something deeper going on?
I’ve been noticing a real shift. Many people used to go to weekly classes, week in – week out – with no real issues around consistency. That feels like it’s really changed. And I find myself wondering why.
Is life just harder now?
Someone looking out of a window drinking a cup of tea - contemplating whether to go out
Does Life Feel Heavier Than It Used To?
Does everything feel more effortful? More tiring? More overwhelming?
Is it just easier to flake out and stay home?
Sometimes I wonder if it’s physical health, mental health, nervous system overload… or something else entirely. Or maybe it’s all of it, layered together. Something has shifted in how we relate to commitment, routine, and showing up.
Have We Lost Our Ability to Work With Our Edges?
I talk a lot about working with our edges – finding the sweet spot where you’re challenging yourself, but not straining too hard. It’s easier to either stay completely within our comfort zones, or conversely to push ourselves too hard – but that point of manageable challenge is where growth takes place.
Image that indicates when we push out of out comfort zone, opportunities await us
Have we all lost the ability to work with our edges?
It’s like we realised that we were all pushing ourselves too hard… and now we don’t want to push ourselves at all. But what is the middle way?
Where is that place where we care for ourselves and still show up?
What Does It Really Take to Be Consistent?
What does it take to be truly consistent with something?
There are pros and cons, of course. Consistency can feel boring, restrictive, or demanding. But it can also be grounding, supportive, and deeply transformative.
Change doesn’t usually happen from doing something once. It happens when we stay with something. When we go deeper. When we allow ourselves to be shaped by the practice, rather than constantly chasing the next thing.
Life isn’t a tick list. There’s so much talk about “bucket lists” that I feel that people are always looking for the next experience. But not to actually experience – to tick it off their list and move on. It reminds me of when people talk about their travels as having “done” somewhere. “I’ve done China”, or “I’ve done the Taj Mahal”. What does that actually mean? In ticking things off, we’ve lost that sense of connection – of being immersed in something, feeling it with all of our senses. It’s simply something we’ve done (or haven’t done).
Image of someone ticking things off their tick list
There’s a real sense of people always looking for something new — the next best thing. Wanting to try everything, but not realising that change comes when you embrace something fully.
You go deeper the more you do something.
Why do we get so distracted by that shiny thing over there? It’s like the grass is always greener. And yet, depth doesn’t come from constant movement — it comes from staying. How can we sink into whatever practice we choose – and really feel it deeply?
I went to a talk with Buddhist nun Pema Deki last night and she talked about this very thing. She talked about the importance of showing up – of keeping to your commitment to meditate (or whatever it is that you’ve chosen to do). To set a plan and keep to it can feel like such a challenge, for so many different reasons – but consistency is key to change and growth.
Susie with Buddhist nun Pema Deki
When Discipline Feels Like a Dirty Word
It seems that somewhere along the way, discipline and effort started to feel like dirty words. And yet, effort doesn’t have to mean forcing or pushing through at all costs. It can mean gentle commitment. Loving structure. A quiet decision to show up — even when it would be easier not to.
Not because you have to.
But because something in you knows it matters.
We really don’t get very far from just doing something once. But doing it over and over again – building it into our routines, making it a habit – that’s when we see results. And this could be anything – a movement practice, a meditation practice, being creative, learning a language – whatever we choose. Consistency is key.
Attendees at a Wolf Moon Rest Circle - Showing Up!
So… What’s the Middle Way?
So maybe the difficulty with consistency is a post-COVID thing, or perhaps life is just harder. Or it might be due to exhaustion, nervous system overload, overwhelm, or burnout culture. Probably all of it.
But maybe the question isn’t “Why can’t I be consistent?” Maybe it’s “What kind of consistency would actually support me?”
I believe that the answer is not to be rigid. Not punishing. Not all-or-nothing.
But steady. Kind. Human.
What would it look like to commit in a way that honours both your need for rest and your longing for growth?
That feels like the real middle way.
A Yoga Nidra Practice on retreat - showing up to rest - the Middle Way?
This blog was written by Susie Hooper - one of the founders of Pause & Breathe, and our CEO. She has noticed a lack of consistency in herself since COVID, which led to her musings on this subject. Let us know if they’ve been helpful.