Call for Change
Guest Blog, written by community member – Clare Moller
Why the Theme of Change?
This blog takes inspiration this time for recent events in my life. I had to make a call about change with something in my life. I didn't know whether it was too soon but I didn't want to leave it too long – which felt like a balancing act. I then reflected that many people, if not all of us, go through this in our lives.
It seems to me that change can be a difficult and challenging thing as well as a rewarding and beneficial thing.
The Call for Change:
This blog looks at:
The balance of when to change and when to keep something going.
It explores:
When change is our decision only.
How and when to mindfully call for change in our lives. When what we need and want changes, and how to avoid feelings of weakness changing too soon or not soon enough.
Being mindfully aware that we trust and accept ourselves to know that we do the right thing for us and in general. Being able to accept all outcomes.
Your Decision
Here, I’m really focusing on changing – or not changing - when the decision is yours to make. When it’s not external factors calling for this change – rather, it’s something personal to you.
Sometimes it's easier to when change is something that happens to us. In these circumstances we do not have to explore and examine our own decision-making. But being able to call the shots in our own lives is important. Taking an active approach – taking control – and deciding when to make difficult changes feels important.
How and When to Change
When we feel a calling for change in our lives, we can often feel a mixture of emotions. When to actually make the change can feel difficult to work out.
We often blame ourselves for being too weak, no matter what the outcome. If we make the change, we feel weak for "quitting" too soon and not giving it enough time. Or we might feel weak for not making a change sooner. For staying past the right time to change.
As this was put generally out to people to see what they thought, the feedback was interesting. Some people felt that they made decision at the right time and they did not struggle with the process or have any self-doubts afterwards, which was great. Others, more frequently though, struggled with how and when to make changes and the negativity about themselves about those changes whether they made them or not. This possibly is the more usual outcome.
Research suggests there are many ways to help mindful decision making over change. Though many sources all cite the same things.
Emotions - be careful that, although they are important, emotions do not overpower the facts and affect your decisions to potentially change. Label your emotions to understand them, then work with them along with facts to reach a yes or no on whether to change.
Explore your options - including the pros and cons- without commitment at this stage. Explore the potential outcomes.
Listen to your gut - your intuition is there to help you.
Seek advice - from a professional and/or personal support. It helps give an outside, neutral perspective.
Watch for decision paralysis - if you get stuck on what to do, break it down into easier, more manageable chunks to reach your outcome.
Adapt as you go along – don’t go along with your first decision, if it isn’t working out – be brave enough to adapt.
Mindful Decision-Making:
Part of the process of change mindfully is being self-aware. Of being who we are and knowing and accepting we know what's right for us.
Also, our decision for change (or not) comes from within us. As we acknowledge outside factors, they are not internally part of us and therefore they are not part of our personal and internal change. Allowing ourselves this process without self-judgment or judgement from others. It is up to us only to know what and when to change for us. Whatever the outcome.
This includes:
Accepting that changes we make may be right or wrong.
All mistakes are an opportunity to learn from them.
We only have what we know at the time. If we have made the decision mindfully, we accept the outcome come no matter what. With accepting radical acceptance.
About the author: Clare comes to Pause & Breathe and has been involved in our community for the last 5 years. She has an interest in writing and shares her blogs with us regularly.