Why loneliness can become more common in adulthood – and how we can begin to reconnect with ourselves, our communities and each other.

post by Pause & Breathe co-founder Susie Hooper

*A group of people on a wellbeing walk together chatting*

Loneliness in Adulthood: Why Does It Happen?

As part of Loneliness Awareness Week, I've been thinking about something that many of us experience, but don't always talk about openly.

Loneliness can creep into our lives in ways we don't expect. It isn't always about being physically alone. Sometimes it can happen when we're surrounded by people, busy with work and family commitments, and carrying on with life as usual. There can still be a sense that something is missing; a feeling that the connections we once had aren't quite the same as they used to be.

*Photo of a man on Uisken beach, Isle of Mull, looking out to the sea*

As we move through adulthood, our lives naturally change. The friendships that felt effortless in our twenties may look very different ten or twenty years later. People move away, relationships begin and end, careers take us in different directions, and our priorities shift. Some people have children, while others don't. Some find themselves caring for ageing parents. Others are navigating retirement, redundancy, health challenges or significant life changes.

Over time, it can feel as though the people we once had the most in common with are walking a different path. The friendship may still be there, but the opportunities to connect become fewer, and our lives no longer overlap in quite the same way.

If this sounds familiar, you're certainly not the only one.

Why Making Friends as an Adult Can Feel Difficult

One of the challenges of adulthood is that making new connections can feel much harder than it did when we were younger. At school, college or work, we were regularly placed alongside people with shared experiences and common interests. As adults, we often have to make a conscious decision to seek out new opportunities for connection, and that can feel uncomfortable.

Walking into a room where you don't know anyone takes courage. Signing up for a class, workshop or community event can bring up all sorts of worries. Will I fit in? Will everyone already know each other? What if I feel awkward? These thoughts are incredibly common, even among people who appear confident on the surface.

Building Community Through Shared Experiences

At Pause & Breathe, we've spoken to many people who tell us that attending for the first time felt like a huge step. Often, once they've arrived, they realise that others felt exactly the same way. Many people come on their own. Some are looking to meet like-minded people, while others simply want to spend time in a welcoming environment where they can relax and be themselves.

*Crafting Workshop at Pause & Breathe - several women sitting together, cutting images out of magazines*

We know that taking that first step isn't always easy, which is why we offer a Befriending Service. For anyone who feels anxious about attending alone, we can help make those first moments feel less daunting. Sometimes knowing that there is a friendly face waiting for you can make all the difference.

Small Everyday Ways to Feel More Connected

Connection doesn't always begin with joining a new group. There are many ways to bring more human interaction into our daily lives.

Something as straightforward as making eye contact with people when you're out for a walk, smiling at a neighbour, or saying good morning to someone you pass can help us feel more connected to the communities we live in. Choosing to visit a local café, shop or library creates opportunities for conversations that simply don't happen when everything is ordered online.

*Blog writer Susie with a coffee in a cafe*

You might also consider:

Volunteering for a local organisation or community project
Joining a book group, walking group or hobby club
Taking an evening class to learn something new
Supporting local businesses and chatting with staff and other customers
Attending community events, talks or workshops
Reaching out to someone you've lost touch with

These interactions may seem small, but they can help us feel more connected to the world around us.

How Meaningful Friendships Develop Over Time

Many people find connection through volunteering, joining a hobby group, taking an evening class, becoming involved in a local community project or attending events that reflect their interests. Shared activities often provide a natural starting point for conversations and friendships to develop over time.

*A mix of people sat around a fire on a retreat held b Pause & Breathe*

It's also worth remembering that meaningful connection rarely happens overnight. Relationships are built through repeated interactions, familiar faces and shared experiences. The person you exchange a few words with today may become someone you know much better six months from now.

You Are Not Alone

Loneliness can sometimes convince us that we're the only person feeling disconnected, but the reality is that many people are looking for exactly the same thing: a sense of belonging, companionship and community.

If you've been feeling isolated, perhaps Loneliness Awareness Week offers an opportunity to reflect on where connection might already exist in your life, and where there may be opportunities to create more of it. That could be reaching out to an old friend, trying something new, or taking part in a local activity that you've been considering for a while.

Taking the First Step

If you've been thinking about coming along to a Pause & Breathe session but haven't quite found the confidence yet, we'd love to hear from you. Our Befriending Service is there to help people take those first steps, and you'll find a warm welcome waiting when you arrive.

Connection often begins with showing up. Sometimes that's all that's needed to start something new.

This blog was written by Susie Hooper - one of the founders of Pause & Breathe, and our CEO. Over the last few years she has developed new friendships through her love of wild swimming and through Pause & Breathe. She says that it’s been a pleasure to get to know so many new people, and loves the community that has built up around the centre in Bonnybridge.

If you’re interested in our befriending service, please email: susie@pauseandbreathe.co.uk

Finding Connection When Life Changes